Welcome back, sexy readers.
It’s Mating Season, which is my way of saying it’s summer and we’re all hot and riled up, with sex on the brain. Maybe it’s all those people in booty shorts, or people walking around shirtless, but whoever and whatever factors are responsible for the onslaught of increased libido, I say, thanks!
I always notice a pattern emerge at the beginning of summer – relationships tend to tank around the time that the heat gets cranked up in the atmosphere.
So in that spirit, today I present you with my Top 10 Insensitive Breakup Lines.
10. It’s just that I find you so physically repellent that the mere thought of you touching me activates my gag reflex.
9. I’m not SAYING I want to break up with you. I’m saying that I’m going to get my shotgun from the other room. If you’re still here when I get back, I may start to feel trigger happy.
8. You know the other week when the neighbor came over to ask if I could give her some sugar again? By “sugar” she meant cock.
7. We have irreconcilable differences. You’re a man, and I’m a woman.
6. I always knew our relationship wasn’t perfect. But you pretty much ruined it by knocking up my sister.
5. In the best interests of the human race, I refuse to allow any portion of your genetic code to survive. So either you leave right now, or I’m going to have to castrate you.
4. Our relationship is kind of getting in the way of me fucking other people. And that’s bumming me out.
3. You know how your parents started to hate each other so much they eventually got a divorce? Well, I think we could learn a lot from their problem-solving skills.
2. Ever since I bought my new vibrator, I don’t have any time for you. Did I say time? I meant use.
1. Call me old fashioned, but I just don’t think my wife would appreciate me seeing you any more.
Have a Lexi weekend,