Whatâs the point in pretending youâre experiencing The Big O? You’re doing yourself and your partner more harm than good. Hereâs why you shouldnât fake orgasms – and how to start having real ones!
There are so many reasons that people fake orgasms.
Theyâre tired or want to get it âover withâ. Theyâre distracted. They have too much on their minds. They donât think theyâll get there physically. Theyâre too shy to express what they want. They donât want to make their partners âfeel badâ that they couldnât make them cum.
For many of us with lady parts, chances are, weâve been there. Our machinery is not as straightforward, and itâs not always easy to explain what it is that works for us, or we just know itâs not going to happen, or it will take a really, really long time to happen.
And thereâs also the reality that some women have never actually had an orgasm before.
But what good will it actually do to pretend youâre achieving orgasm?
Iâm arguing that itâs actually damaging to your partner and your sex life to fake orgasms.
By faking an orgasm, youâre falsely letting your partner think that whatever it is that theyâre doing â which may not be altogether pleasurable for you â is good. And guess what? If their behavior and actions are rewarded by a âfauxgasmâ, then theyâre going to keep repeating whatever they did to lead to what they believe is a pleasurable experience for you.
So they will never actually learn what truly makes you feel good and can make you climax, thereby dooming you to a sex life that is not as fulfilling as it should be.
If youâve been faking orgasms with your partner â stop RIGHT NOW! Try some of these techniques to really make the most of your sex life.
Donât have sex if youâre actually not in the mood.
We all get tired and stressed out. If you want to have sex, try to get yourself in the right state of mind to relax and feel receptive to pleasure. But if youâre REALLY not feeling it, donât force yourself to have sex with your partner; simply, donât feel obliged to do it.
Figure out what you want sexually and what works for you.
One big reason people fake orgasms is because they donât know what makes them cum. If YOU donât even know what brings you to climax, how can you communicate that to your partner(s)? Masturbation is key. When youâre solo and feeling relaxed, experiment with yourself, using your hands and/or any sex toys of your choice. Go wild! Try new sensations, pressures, speeds, temperatures, and areas of stimulation. Once you discover what makes your toes curl and eyes roll back in your head, youâll be closer to sharing that with your partner.
Let your partner watch you masturbate.
When you figure out your special formula to making yourself cum, show your partner! I find it so hot to watch my partner masturbate (whether theyâre male or female). It helps me learn about what they like, the speeds and pressures they enjoy, and what their face and body look like when theyâre at different stages of pleasure. This also helps make me a better lover, because it means that Iâll know what reactions to look for when itâs time for me to give them pleasure.
Communicate with your partner.
Itâs not as easy for some people to talk about sex openly with their partner, but itâs extremely important to a satisfying sex life.
All of our bodies are different, and we all like different things. Thereâs no one user manual that works for everyone, so even if your partner has had a lot of experience, it doesnât mean they know what YOU like, or exactly what youâre in the mood for at that given moment.
Itâs one thing to talk about sex before you get started with playtime (Iâll be writing a whole other blog about that at another time).
But while youâre actually getting physical, you need to give your partner feedback throughout so they know whatâs working and whatâs not.
Keep in mind, however, that although your partner wants to please you, and would likely appreciate your feedback, be especially sensitive to them with the tone and words you use. They want you to feel good, and they want to know how to please you! And be patient! If theyâre not getting it right away, try communicating it again.
If something theyâre doing feels good, let your partner know. Saying things like âit feels so good when you lick my clit just like that,â or âI love it when you stroke my cock that wayâ while theyâre in the act is not only the perfect way to guide them as to what feels good, but also makes for some stimulating dirty talk.
If you want more pressure, or you need them to go slower, or faster, or slip a finger in somewhere, gently communicate that to them. If theyâre doing something that you really donât like, be gentle about it and donât make them feel bad. Maybe guide their hand to show them how you like it instead. Or suggest, âCan you try it like this?â âCan you lick me from side to side?â etc.
And when they start doing what feels good to you, based on your guidance, let them know âyes, that feels so goodâ, âyes, just like that,â etc.
It might be hard at first, but youâll get used to it, especially when everything starts to feel really, really good.
Know that the orgasm isnât the goal â pleasure is.
Take the focus off climaxing, and just focus on the pleasure. Remember the clichĂŠ: itâs not about the destination â itâs about the journey.
By taking pressure off yourself and your partner to achieve an orgasm, you can focus on just pleasing each other and enjoying each otherâs bodies. Enjoying these moments and the intimacy between you will also encourage you to experiment with each other and learn more about each otherâs reactions and responses.
If an orgasm happens, great. But it doesnât have to!
Give yourself the real pleasure you deserve â and be the honest lover your partner deserves!
Thatâs part of how you can truly become a sex god or goddess.
So enjoy exploring your Lexuality and getting started on your path to self-discovery and the pursuit of real orgasmic experiences!
Until next time, Stay Lexual and find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram!
XXX
Lexi
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