Welcome back to my playground, fiends and friends.
I’m still recovering after a fantastic educational weekend at the end of March at Southwest Love Fest, a conference devoted to non-monogamy and polyamory. I’m still in a post-con coma, but trying to get back into the swing of things and share my experiences with all of you!
Founded and organized by Sarah Bachman-Williams and Kate Kincaid, the mission of this unique conference is to provide an inclusive and transformational space for individuals of all genders, sexual orientations, ethnicities and relationship structures, to educate and strengthen our non-monogamous community.
Over three days, I attended a bunch of workshops by therapists and speakers like Marla Renee Stewart, Jessica Cooley, Heath Schechinger, Dr. Liz Powell, Nolan Lawless, Sara Connell and Kitty Chambliss, to name a few.
And I was thrilled to have the opportunity to meet and talk to people about their personal experiences in polyamory, and their journeys from monogamy or a non-monogamous relationship into polyamory. I learned so much about their challenges and unique relationship structures.
While I was there, I managed to record a few podcasts with some fantastic folks. Over the next two podcast episodes – tonight’s episode as well as a bonus episode coming soon (which I’ll announce soon) – I invited a few guests to talk to me about some of the interesting topics we covered in the workshops we attended, the nature of sex education and much more.
In this episode, I also invited Marla Renee Stewart, the founder of Velvet Lips as well as Sex Down South in Atlanta, to talk to me about her amazing workshop, Keeping the NRE Up, as well as her personal thoughts about the conference. (PS – NRE stands for New Relationship Energy).
Welcome back to my playground, Lexual friends and fiends!
I just returned from Southwest Love Fest in Tucson, Arizona this past weekend (which I’ll be blogging about soon enough!), for a conference dedicated to consensually non-monogamous and polyamorous folks.
I am still recovering from all the talking, learning and networking, so this week’s episode is going to be pretty low-maintenance for me!
A few weeks ago, Taara Rose and James of Sex Uninterrupted, a podcast on The Sexy Lifestyle Network, interviewed me about a topic they don’t have much experience with: playing alone within the non-monogamous / swinger lifestyle.
It was fun being interviewed by them this time, since last time they were on my show as we talked about how to have an orgy!
In this episode, I get pretty personal about my own romantic life with my partner – so if you want to know more about the boundaries and communication involved in playing alone as a unicorn in my relationship, as soooo many of my friends in the lifestyle ask me all the time, then you’re going to want to put on your headphones and listen to this podcast.
So if you play alone in your non-monogamous relationship, or that’s something you and/or your partner are interested in doing now or in the future, or even if you’re already playing alone and want to find out how to make the experience more enjoyable for both of you, then listen here.
In this interview, I’ll be talking about my personal experiences playing alone, including who I play with and where, how my partner and I communicate about boundaries, how I tackle personal safety issues, and much more advice for those who are starting out or who are already accustomed to playing separately from their partner.
Welcome back to my playground, friends and fiends.
It’s the final week of March, so I’m taking this opportunity to broadcast one last podcast episode that centers around the concept of female empowerment.
And to help me do that successfully, I’ve invited two amazing women who work in different areas of sexuality, to talk openly and honestly about shameless sexuality.
When I was preparing this episode, I thought of a few questions that I really wanted to have answered. Just to give you an idea of what you can expect in this edition of Seek, Discover, Create, here they are:
What do you truly fear when it comes to expressing your sexuality?
What’s stopping you from experiencing the sex life you want and deserve?
What is adult sex education lacking that can be improved to help people live confident, pleasurable lives?
Join me for a double dose of female empowerment with my special guests Véronique Verrault, the founder and innovator of the sex toy and mobile app Miss VV’s Mystery, and Cyndi Darnell, internationally renowned sex and relationship therapist, clinical sexologist, adult sex educator and author.
We’re going to get into a deep conversation about the importance of confidence in having a healthy self-image, sexual identity and having a wonderful sex life in general.
We’ll be covering the advances women are making in the realms of sexual education, and how those can help improve the framework and understanding of sexuality.
And we’ll also explore the ways in which female leaders have risen within the domain of sexuality to help, support and educate others to live healthier and more sex-positive lives.
It always amazes me that even with the readily available information about sexuality in all its forms, the accessibility of it doesn’t necessarily mean that people are educating themselves about sex. So many people have much to learn (as do I – I’m not saying I know everything, because no one does!), and are either afraid or embarrassed to ask questions about sex, or don’t know who to ask.
If you haven’t listened to any of my podcasts yet, this is one you should definitely queue in your playlist!
I can virtually guarantee that by the end of this episode, you’ll feel better about thinking about sexuality, and begin to explore your sexual side in a way you didn’t feel comfortable doing before.
Welcome back to my playground, fiends and friends.
I’ve been inundated with questions after each of my episodes about non-monogamy, as well as positive feedback and comments from grateful people who are happy they have found someone who understands them and the unique issues that could happen in a non-monogamous relationship.
So I invited Diana Ryan, licensed professional counselor and the owner and operator of 360 degrees Coaching and Counseling, to join me and help our listeners learn techniques to identifying possible areas of conflict in their non-monogamous relationships, as well as how to handle current conflict they are experiencing.
I first met Diana at Sex Down South in Atlanta, and attended a presentation she gave with her partner, Keiland, about non-monogamy and the lifestyle. Her openness to discussing intimacy and relationships in these contexts, as well as her willingness to open up to the group about how they handled certain conflicts within their own relationship, were very educational for me – and I know you’ll feel the same when you listen to this episode!
So if you’re in an ethically non-monogamous relationship and want to know about some of the most common types of potential conflict in non-monogamy, and how to avoid or manage them, then you should definitely listen to this episode!
We’ll also help you with some strategies to make sure your relationship is happy and healthy, starting with how to spot and avoid some red flags and ensure you’re on the right path.
We’ll explore what to do if you encounter conflict in your relationship, and some ways that you can improve your relationship by developing certain skills and techniques.
So whether you’re in an open, swinging, non-monogamous or monogamish relationship, or you’re polyamorous, you’ll benefit from Diana Ryan’s expertise in relationships and sexuality to improve intimacy, communication and pleasure with your partner(s).
Since I hadn’t done an episode yet about dating, I figured it was high time I covered that important topic in one of my podcasts.
One of the reasons dating is so important is that it’s not only for single people. If you’re in a relationship, it’s also important to date your partner (or partners plural, for the rest of us non-monogamous and polyamorous people). Making time for your partner so they can feel special is critical to your relationship.
We don’t have enough hours in the day to do everything we have to do. Work itself eats up a lot of time, and by the time you get home it’s sometimes a struggle to find energy to spend with each other – quality time is often impossible. But making that plan for a date night – once a week if you can – and spending that quality time with each other, reconnecting intimately, can really boost your relationship and your mood! And it also gives you something to look forward to – circle it in red on your calendar!
Although this episode with dating expert Cheryl Besner is focused mostly on people who are single and not in relationships, and are looking to meet and connect with someone who interests them (besides for sexual reasons, because Tinder is there for that), you should listen to this podcast.
Cheryl and I will explore the ins and outs of dating, including how to meet people, important questions like how to tackle the first date, how to put your best self forward, trying out the concept of a “pre-date” to vet your prospects, and communicating to your dating companion that you’re interested and want to spend more time together.
We talk about what strategies people can use if they’ve been out of the dating scene for a little while or are just coming out of a long-term relationship.
We’ll also be discussing how to get your groove back, rediscovering your self-confidence and self-identity, and how to figure out what you really want and need before starting to date someone new.
This is for everyone identifying as femmes, and for those who support us.
Today is International Women’s Day.
Not just today, but every day, we should celebrate ourselves.
Our successes and achievements. Our friendships. Our relationships. Our
families. Our careers. Our intelligence. Our talents. Our skills. Our
creativity. Our dreams. Our femininity. Our beauty. Our sexuality. Our
strength. Our rights.
We all deal with our individual struggles every day, our
anxieties, our insecurities, our fears.
We all cope with what sometimes seems like an insurmountable
amount of stress, feeling like the weight of the world rests solely on our
Let us help each other to remind ourselves that we are not alone. We’re in this together. Fighting for our rightful place in the world. Fighting to make our unique imprint on the universe. Making an impact on the lives of others. Inspiring others with our tenacity, our devotion, and our hearts, without even realizing it.
We are not in competition with each other. When we see other women thriving and happy, we don’t need to compare ourselves and our own personal journeys to them and theirs. We can be genuinely happy for them and be grateful that they are sharing these moments with us. That they – and we — have the freedom to be happy and successful.
And for all the good men out there who support real feminism: the fathers, the brothers, the partners, the teachers, the colleagues, and all the allies who help lift us up and give us every opportunity to thrive as women and individuals: thank you. Thank you for setting an example for other men, for teaching them how to treat and love women, how to respect us and our boundaries and make us feel safe, how to listen to us and give us a voice, how to pave the way for us to achieve our goals and dream even bigger than we ever imagined.
Female empowerment means supporting each other in pursuing our individual and collective dreams and ambitions.
Let us celebrate ourselves and each other, together: whomever you are, wherever you are, all over the world.
Welcome back to my playground, fiends and friends.
I am extra thrilled about today’s episode of my podcast, because I’m reuniting with the one and only Holly Randall, world-renowned erotic photographer and adult film producer.
Back when I worked in the adult entertainment industry, Holly would produce and direct the porn I’d write for Digital Playground, and I would also add creative production to some of the scenes, series and movies we worked on together, including Season 3 of DP Star (akin to the porn star version of American Idol). I always loved teaming up with her for a variety of reasons – including the fact that she’s incredibly talented, has an eye for detail and quality, and is easy and pleasant to work with. I have a ton of respect for her.
So now, several years after I’m out of the adult entertainment industry, Holly is still rocking it with her #1 adult industry podcast, Holly Randall Unfiltered and continues to change the game behind the camera for erotic and porn shoots.
As part of this weekend’s celebration of International Women’s Day, I want to empower other women to become entrepreneurs and see that women can thrive in any environment – including the male-dominated adult entertainment industry. And Holly is a shining example of a kickass girl boss who’s truly made a name for herself over the last 20 years with her unique brand.
Holly and I will be covering what it’s like for a woman behind the scenes of the adult entertainment industry; specifically, what it’s like for a female director, producer and photographer behind the camera.
She’s also going to help us explore that fine line between erotica and pornography, what it’s like to be a woman in charge on set, and the different views and perspectives about beauty, ethics and the industry that she brings to the table. She also gives some solid words of advice for women who are looking to make their mark in the pornography and erotic photography industries.
Tonight’s podcast is devoted to the topic of polyamory – a subject that seems to be becoming more popular in mainstream media, much like the concept of non-monogamy in general. People are sticking less and less to traditional relationship norms and are looking outside the (sometimes restrictive) box of monogamy to find a relationship type that works for them and their personality.
And for a lot of people, that means polyamory.
I invited an expert to join me: Dr. Eli Sheff, PhD, researcher, expert witness, coach, speaker, AASECT certified sex educator, educational consultant and published author of The Polyamorists Next Door (2014 hardback and ebook, 2015 paperback and audiobook), Stories from the Polycule (2015), and When Someone You Love is Polyamorous (2016).
Here are some of the topics we’ll be covering in today’s podcast (and a whole lot more):
What IS polyamory?
What can different types of polyamorous relationships look like?
Are you curious whether or not polyamory can work for you, and how to manage some potential conflicts to maintain a healthy poly relationship?
How can you set boundaries that work for everyone involved in the polyamorous relationship?
How can you move into a polyamorous relationship dynamic as a couple with your partner?
What is the importance of polyaffective relationships (metamours) to the emotional health of a polycule?
I personally think that one of the most poignant elements that will be discussed during this episode include the fact that we discuss everything from how to determine if you’re ready for polyamory on any level (because it takes ENERGY and TIME), some of the most common conflicts in a polycule and how to resolve them, as well as a few other important notes you should know!
Welcome back to my playground, fiends and friends.
If you’re here, you’re probably interested in sex and making your sex life more spicy and kinky. And you’re in the right place, you sexy devil, you.
Whether you’re on the prowl or in a devoted relationship, you know it takes a lot to earn a reputation of being a great lover.
You may think you’re talented in bed, but how memorable are you really?
A signature sex move (or several) will keep your partners coming back for more and solidify your status as a sex god or goddess.
Here’s how to get one step closer to getting a bronze statue of you erected in your honor.
You don’t need to reinvent the wheel.
When it comes to sex, there are infinite possibilities
for pleasure – the combinations of moves you can try to bring your partner to
climax are endless.
Your signature move isn’t necessarily going to be a complex choreography that you have to memorize. It should feel like it comes naturally (puns intended) from a move you already know how to do.
It can be as simple as swirling your tongue in a particular
direction during oral sex, making a woman squirt while fingering her in a
special way, deep throating a dick, doing a special shimmy during reverse
cowgirl, et cetera, et cetera.
If you already have a
tried-and-true sex move that drives your lovers wild, it’s time to perfect it.
every body is different.
No two bodies operate exactly the same way. Just
because your move makes one partner scream with pleasure does not necessarily
mean that all your partners are going to love your move.
What truly makes a great lover is the understanding that every body reacts differently, and even one body can have their own sensitivity, tolerance and even mood (at times they may desire a rougher touch, and others when a softer style is craved). Spontaneity and creativity are key when you adapt your signature sex move to your lover and find the right rhythm for the moment.
If you learn a move with one partner and perfect it
with them, and then try it with other people and it’s not working, try to adapt
your move to different partners, based on their body language, their
communication and the way they react to your touch. Maybe the same move will
work with them but at a different pace or angle. If not, then it’s time to try
honing a new sex skill.
a page out of your sexual history book.
Over the time you’ve been sexually active, is there anything you did that really stood out to your partners?
If you can, and you’re still on good terms, ask your
previous lovers what you’ve done sexually that they enjoyed the most.
If they can’t think of anything specific, don’t
despair. It just means you have a little bit more work to discover your signature
Listen to your partner.
Time to get creative! By experimenting with new things
on your partner(s) and trying new combinations of things, you can discover what
makes them just moan a little, moan a lot, or scream your name in ecstasy.
Register what makes your lover tremble. Spend some time testing and fine-tuning your move until it gets positive results in bed, every time. Try to do it without them knowing they’re being watched for their every reaction, or else they’ll feel pressured and bias your results. Even if your partner wants to be your test bunny, you’ll lose the element of surprise when you try to give them a sex-induced out-of-body experience.
And talk to your partner! After your play session, ask
them what they liked, what you could maybe do differently. And put their
feedback into action next time.
Once you find the things that give your partner the most pleasure, that make them say “oh my GOD what was that amazing thing you did with your tongue?!” –then you’ve probably found your move.
Stroke, rub, thrust, repeat. Repeat. Repeat. And repeat some more.
Alternate speeds, angles and
directions. The slightest change in any of these can create a
totally different experience. Your one
constant must be your complete attention on your lover’s physical and verbal
reactions – every muscle clench, groaning, hair-pulling, hip lifting, etc. Once you learn to read their body language,
you can tweak your move, and tabulate the results. Were some of your variations
more popular or earth-shattering than others?
Keep refining your move until you can do it in your
Once you find your move, keep what’s consistent as a basis to add in your repertoire, and switch up the other variables from time to time to keep you – and your move – fresh. Your lover’s body is definitely not immune to the effects of habituation as they get used to your handiwork. Over time, the novelty can wear off.
Experimenting with different sex moves and trying to pleasure your partner is a wondrous thing. Perfecting a sex move that, 99% of the time, it works every time, will earn you a positive reputation and solidify your status as a sex god or goddess. Stick to that main rule and you’ll be able to navigate any southern border crossing.
I spend a lot of time talking to people about non-monogamy, and alllllll kinds of questions arise during these deep conversations.
Although there is no way to tackle all of your questions about consensually non-monogamous relationships in a single podcast episode (as ambitious as I am!), Dr. Liz Powell and I start off with some of the basics and answer a bunch of your questions in one swoop!
So if you’re curious about the best ways to navigate your first steps into the sexy world of consensual non-monogamy (also known interchangeably as ethical non-monogamy), join me today with Dr. Liz Powell, licensed psychologist specializing in non-traditional relationships, and the author of the book Building Open Relationships.
We’re going to explore different kinds of non-monogamous relationships and what each of those can potentially look like; how to develop and maintain healthy and ethical non-monogamy with your partner or partners, and the best communication tips to prevent and resolve potential conflict within these relationships.
Dr. Liz Powell is also going to talk to us about how to be authentic with yourself and with your partner(s) or your potential new partner(s) as you let them know your interest in non-monogamy, as well as how to best frame those conversations to evoke a more positive reaction from them, and what to do if your partner isn’t as interested in the concept of non-monogamy as you are.
In an episode coming very soon with Diana Ryan, I’ll be addressing more of your burning questions about different non-monogamous relationships, such as how to resolve common conflicts in open, monogamish and other types of ethically non-monogamous relationships.
And next week, I’ll be joined by Dr. Eli Sheff for a deep conversation about polyamorous relationships, including talking about different styles of being, who the partners are in these scenarios, what a polyaffective relationship can be, and how to resolve conflict and create the right physical and emotional environment to ascertain a healthy balance in any kind of poly relationship.
So, due to popular demand from all of you lovely and loyal listeners, we’ll have lots of discussion about non-monogamy coming up on my podcast!