Welcome back to my playground, my Lexual fiends and friends.

How can you last longer in bed and prolong the intimacy with your lover(s)?

For this episode, I invited Jeff Abraham, CEO of Promescent, a sexual wellness company that helps people enjoy longer-lasting sex and enhance the intimacy in their relationships. We often talk about erectile dysfunction in society: it’s plastered everywhere. What if the problem wasn’t getting an erection, but finishing too early?

We talk about the reality of men who experience premature ejaculation, and some of the possible underlying physiological and psychological reasons for PE. Sexual stamina is something that many worry about: Are you lasting long enough to satisfy your partner? Do longer sexual encounters make you feel more intimate? In group settings, is stamina something that worries you because the longer duration and the amount of extra people involved?

Premature ejaculation is just as common as erectile dysfunction, but it’s very poorly defined in medicine. PE is defined as reaching climax within 60 seconds, but in reality, there is a bigger disparity between men and women when it comes to how long it takes to climax. Each person goes at their own pace, and are “wired differently”, as Jeff says.

While those with ED are usually handed a helpful prescription to fix the issue, premature ejaculation can be helped with over the counter products like Promescent’s Delay Spray. Uncovering some social stigmas and taboos about PE, we offer advice for the many ways in which men can extend sex, prioritize their partner’s sexual pleasure, and physically and psychologically overcome premature ejaculation.

Listen to Lexi Sylver's erotic podcast SDC Presents Seek Discover Create

Jeff and I examine the orgasm gap, aka arousal gap, and the gender differences in terms of how much longer it may take women to achieve orgasm versus men. Men and folks with prostates take an average of 6 minutes to climax, while women and folks with vulvas take around 20 minutes. Jeff spoke candidly with me about his own experiences, and how our time to climax is nothing we should apologize for. He’s right: We can’t control our bodies timing to climax, but as partners we can work together to meet each others needs, regardless of time.

We explore the added pressures that men experience to perform well and last long in group sex scenarios within the swinger or open lifestyle. Many mens’ intro into the lifestyle can be nerve-wracking or anxiety-inducing, which can make it hard for them to get an erection at all. Group sex scenarios can be a journey, rather than focus on the climax, so added pressure to delay ejaculation and stay hard can make it hard to enjoy the experience.

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