It’s that time of year again. The holiday flurry is upon us, my Lexual friends and festive fêters.
For some folks, the end of year holiday season marks an uplifting time of celebration, and, if we’re lucky, a bit of time off from work.
For others, the holidays can be a time of stress – financial, familial, and, oh, every other stress under the sun (and let’s add to that the pandemic still going on and the complications that creates for family gatherings and travel).
So if you’re feeling lately like your sex drive has taken a nosedive – or is in some kind of limbo – you’re not alone.
I asked my Instagram folks to answer my poll about whether the holidays put them in a sexy mood… and 64% said yes!
Meanwhile, what about the other 36% who said the holidays don’t put them in a sexy mood?
I too have had my moments when the holiday time made me feel less than Lexual. Between the whirlwind of family visits, wrapping gifts, scheduling, cooking, baking, and more… I’ve had times when I felt tired and had no energy to think about sex, let alone masturbate or want to have sex.
And you know what? That’s okay!
Your libido doesn’t have to be high ALL the time, you know. We all have our own “normal” when it comes to our desire for sex. Between hormones, our mood, mental and physical health struggles, work, relationships (yes, even healthy ones), finances, and other potential stressors, there are many reasons we may not feel sexy or in the mood.
While some factors contributing to not feeling Lexual may be tougher to overcome, there are some things we can do to feel sexy.
Spoiler alert: if it seems like I’m giving you tips to seduce yourself, you’re fucking right.
Because it you’re feeling relaxed, you’ll be more likely to feel sexier. And if you’re partnered up, you might feel like throwing them a bone, so to speak. Either way, it’s a win-win situation!
Try these Lexual tips one at a time, or combine them however you please to maximize your self-care. And if any of these lead to masturbation… well, all the fucking better. Enjoy!
Slip into something soft.
Mmm, there’s something just so satisfying in tactile pleasures. Running my fingertips over my satin robe, slipping between silken sheets, wearing soft microfiber pajamas… so many textures and fabrics can be such a simple yet sensual way to make you feel comfortable and alter your state of mind for more Lexual headspaces.
If you know me, you’ll know I LOVE taking a steamy bath and lingering in the suds. I make it a whole event. It’s my personal space and time to unwind, relax, and give my body the pampering it deserves. The warm water is calming, which can help quiet the stressed-out thoughts in my mind… and allow sexier thoughts to rise to the surface. If you’re up for it, add bubbles, Epsom salts and/or a few drops of essential oils like lavender to evoke even more relaxing feelings.
Use your vibrator to focus on areas of your body you often neglect, like the nape of your neck, your hands and fingers, your feet, your back… and so on!
By tenderizing the meat of your other parts, you’ll improve the circulation in your whole body, which means blood will start to flow everywhere else.
Plus, it just feels really good, and I’m all about hedonism.
Connect with nature.
Is it cold AF outside where you live? Here, too. But a nice lungful or ten of fresh air can do wonders to clear our minds and give us a change of pace from being stuck inside or glued to your devices. I’m talking about going out for a nice walk, even for just 15 minutes, to change up the scenery and commune with nature. If you’re living in the city and it’s too crowded for comfort on the sidewalks, try to go out on the balcony, take a walk in a nearby park, or call a friend or family member to borrow their backyard for a little while.
Dim the lights.
I’m a night owl, and always enjoy the dark (or the near-dark). Try shutting off the lights and keep on just one lamp, or light a few candles. The glow of your phone or device does NOT count! Turn them all off and allow the pleasure of the silence to sweep over you. Breathe, and enjoy the feeling of minimal sensory stimulation. With your nerves resting, the rest of your body might feel less tensed up and more willing to be pliable in other ways. Then, use your imagination and just fantasize!
Create a sexy playlist.
I definitely have an aural fixation. My sexy sounds of choice involve deep, hard rock and heavy metal music. Deep drums, a thrumming bass line, Hendrixian guitar strumming… mmmm, that’s my sweet spot. Give me some of my favorite tuneskis, let me close my eyes, and I can feel the music flowing through my body from my core. Try it out with your sexy music of choice and let yourself FEEL the music in your body. Focus on those body parts and the vibrations of the sounds. Run your hands over the parts of your body that feel the least stimulated, all the way to the most stimulated, and then back.
Indulge in an erotic book or scene.
Is there a smutty book or deep, passionate poem that riles you up each time you read it, sparking your filthy imagination? Read or listen to those dirty words! Get inspiration from my book, Mating Season: Erotic Short Stories, or take a peek at some of the free short erotic stories on my blog.
Feast on erotic sights and sounds.
If you’re more visual, stimulate your retinas with some saucy snippets from a sexy movie or seductive snapshots of erotic people and scenarios. Don’t be shy to turn the volume up (or wear headphones!) and listen to the moaning and dirty talking of the scene you’re viewing.
Unleash the power of scent.
If you’re not too sensitive to aromas, use scents to evoke your senses. You don’t need scented candles, specifically. Scents from certain foods (like cookies baking in the oven) can make us feel calmed, nurtured, relaxed, and even aroused. Cook something with spice, add fresh herbs to your dishes, or bake something chocolate-y. Which brings me to my next point…
Devour some chocolate.
Not like you need an excuse, but did you know that chocolate is an aphrodisiac, in addition to being fucking delicious in its own right? Nom fucking nom! Release those endorphins. Just enjoy the pleasure of the sweetness dancing all over your taste buds. And if the decadence makes you want to moan with delight, then go for it!
Share your tips for staying Lexual for the holidays in the comments below!
Until next time, my Lexual friends, Happy Holidays to you and your loved (and lusted-after) ones.