Sex Advice, Sex Education, Updates

Too Hot? Try Temperature Play.

June 27, 2021
Temperature Play | Lexi Sylver

Too hot? Too cold? Let me introduce you to temperature play, my Lexual friends and fiends!

Temperature play is seen as an umbrella term within BDSM, but it’s something we can all indulge in. You see, there’s no need to be “kinky” to enjoy playing with the senses. Switching up the simple element of temperature in solo or partnered play gives us the chance to feel the same delights in a new way, while discovering some “out of this world” pleasure. Plus, who doesn’t like to mix up their play?

Drip Drip Drip…

One of the most common ways to explore heating things up with temperature play is using body-safe wax. I get it, the movies make it sound like you can grab any candle in your home, light it, and drip it on your partner. DON’T DO THAT, PLEASE. Normal candles heat up to dangerous temperatures that can cause blistering burns when in contact with the skin, plus they will be a hassle to get out of things like clothing and hair.

Massage candles are not only body-safe in terms of ingredients, but only heat up to a safe temp where it can be dripped allllll over the body and massaged through. I would highly recommend trying the Olivia’s Boudoir Black Bag – French Kiss to indulge in some of this warm, sin-sational drip action.

Chilly Orgasms? Yes.

Using the cold side of temperature play usually yields more dynamic, chill, and exciting options. Whether this be sticking an ice cube in your mouth and running it over your partner’s body or chilling one of your toys in the fridge before use, the options are endless.

The cold can feel quite shocking, especially when you’re hot! It’s this very “surprise” cold feeling that can keep all our nerve endings guessing and wanting more. I would highly recommend using a stainless steel toy like the nJoy Pure Wand and sticking it in the fridge for an hour before play. Drizzle the wand with some lube, and use the different sized ends to massage your partner’s body, gradually leading into penetration.

Communicate with your partner: How does the cold feel? Where on your body do you like it best?

The chill side of temperature play can be done with almost every single toy out there, but I find it especially potent (and the cold feeling longer-lasting) when using a glass or metal sex toy. On the flip side, if you find your toys are too cold for your tastes, try running your toys under warm water to get them body temp before using.

Hot & Cold Lube

A common way couples get into temperature play is by buying a warming or a cooling lubricant. While these can feel really great, some brands can also be very irritating. A common ingredient in warming lubricants is usually cinnamon, while peppermint is used in cooling ones. These ingredients, although natural, can cause irritation to the genitals. The solution? Actually warm or cool your lube.

Here are some super simple lube warming and cooling tips:

  • To Warm: Take your bottle of lubricant, and submerge it into a container that has warm (not boiling) water. This will warm up the lubricant to a body-safe temp, and you can play away. Please, for the love of whatever you believe in, do not boil or microwave your lube. It will not only destroy the quality, but it will burn you! If you want to get fancy, try the Touch Automated Lube & Warmer to get the job done. If you have an oil-based lube like coconut oil, get ready to slip and slide!
  • To Cool: Simply stash your lube in the fridge, and give it 30 minutes to an hour to cool down. Depending on the lube you’re using, this could change the consistency. I recommend this for lubricants that aren’t oil based, such as water-based lubes, since oil-based lubes will solidify in the cold.

Show them what that mouth can do!

Ohhhh yes, your mouth! If you’re about to give some exciting head to your partner, try cooling or warming your mouth first. This is often done by giving oral sex with a melting ice cube in your mouth, or drinking something hot beforehand. As always, play it safe and check in with your partner to make sure the sensation and temp are desirable for them!

Have you ever tried temperature play? Are you curious to give it a go? Share with us in the comments below!

Until next time, Stay Lexual!

Lexi Sylver Pleasure For Every Body

Lexi Sylver

Lexi Sylver is the Montreal-based erotica author of Mating Season and All the Queen’s Men. She enjoys having a kinky and unconventional lifestyle and sharing her stories and experiences with others. Lexi hosts and produces’s sexuality podcast, Seek, Discover, Create with Lexi Sylver. As an entrepreneur, advocate, educator, public speaker and coach for consensual non-monogamy and the swinging lifestyle, she journeys the world to attend travel events and conferences. She regularly contributes articles about sexuality and relationships to Pornhub’s Sexual Wellness Center, ASN Lifestyle Magazine, and her personal blog. As the Media Director for, the world’s largest adult sex education and swingers dating platform, Lexi collaborates with sexuality, health and relationship experts to provide reliable resources for those who seek it. In her work as an advocate, educator and coach for consensual non-monogamy and the swinging lifestyle, she travels frequently to conferences and speaks publicly at events like The Montreal Taboo Sex Show (Le Salon de l’Amour et de la Séduction). Lexi wrote and creatively produced many movies, series and scenes in the adult entertainment industry and was nominated in 2017 for an AVN award for Best Screenplay. She is a published erotic author with her new book, a collection of erotic short stories called Mating Season, now available. Her mission is to promote empowerment and education by guiding you to shamelessly explore your Lexuality!

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