Sex Advice, Sex Education, Updates

Too Hot? Try Temperature Play.

June 27, 2021
Temperature Play | Lexi Sylver

Too hot? Too cold? Let me introduce you to temperature play, my Lexual friends and fiends!

Temperature play is seen as an umbrella term within BDSM, but it’s something we can all indulge in. You see, there’s no need to be “kinky” to enjoy playing with the senses. Switching up the simple element of temperature in solo or partnered play gives us the chance to feel the same delights in a new way, while discovering some “out of this world” pleasure. Plus, who doesn’t like to mix up their play?

Drip Drip Drip…

One of the most common ways to explore heating things up with temperature play is using body-safe wax. I get it, the movies make it sound like you can grab any candle in your home, light it, and drip it on your partner. DON’T DO THAT, PLEASE. Normal candles heat up to dangerous temperatures that can cause blistering burns when in contact with the skin, plus they will be a hassle to get out of things like clothing and hair.

Massage candles are not only body-safe in terms of ingredients, but only heat up to a safe temp where it can be dripped allllll over the body and massaged through. I would highly recommend trying the Olivia’s Boudoir Black Bag – French Kiss to indulge in some of this warm, sin-sational drip action.

Chilly Orgasms? Yes.

Using the cold side of temperature play usually yields more dynamic, chill, and exciting options. Whether this be sticking an ice cube in your mouth and running it over your partner’s body or chilling one of your toys in the fridge before use, the options are endless.

The cold can feel quite shocking, especially when you’re hot! It’s this very “surprise” cold feeling that can keep all our nerve endings guessing and wanting more. I would highly recommend using a stainless steel toy like the nJoy Pure Wand and sticking it in the fridge for an hour before play. Drizzle the wand with some lube, and use the different sized ends to massage your partner’s body, gradually leading into penetration.

Communicate with your partner: How does the cold feel? Where on your body do you like it best?

The chill side of temperature play can be done with almost every single toy out there, but I find it especially potent (and the cold feeling longer-lasting) when using a glass or metal sex toy. On the flip side, if you find your toys are too cold for your tastes, try running your toys under warm water to get them body temp before using.

Hot & Cold Lube

A common way couples get into temperature play is by buying a warming or a cooling lubricant. While these can feel really great, some brands can also be very irritating. A common ingredient in warming lubricants is usually cinnamon, while peppermint is used in cooling ones. These ingredients, although natural, can cause irritation to the genitals. The solution? Actually warm or cool your lube.

Here are some super simple lube warming and cooling tips:

  • To Warm: Take your bottle of lubricant, and submerge it into a container that has warm (not boiling) water. This will warm up the lubricant to a body-safe temp, and you can play away. Please, for the love of whatever you believe in, do not boil or microwave your lube. It will not only destroy the quality, but it will burn you! If you want to get fancy, try the Touch Automated Lube & Warmer to get the job done. If you have an oil-based lube like coconut oil, get ready to slip and slide!
  • To Cool: Simply stash your lube in the fridge, and give it 30 minutes to an hour to cool down. Depending on the lube you’re using, this could change the consistency. I recommend this for lubricants that aren’t oil based, such as water-based lubes, since oil-based lubes will solidify in the cold.

Show them what that mouth can do!

Ohhhh yes, your mouth! If you’re about to give some exciting head to your partner, try cooling or warming your mouth first. This is often done by giving oral sex with a melting ice cube in your mouth, or drinking something hot beforehand. As always, play it safe and check in with your partner to make sure the sensation and temp are desirable for them!

Have you ever tried temperature play? Are you curious to give it a go? Share with us in the comments below!

Until next time, Stay Lexual!

Lexi Sylver Pleasure For Every Body

Lexi Sylver

I’m a shameless sexcapader, author of erotic tales, sexual educator of taboo topics and alternative relationships, pleasure toy sexpert, and advocate for sexual freedom. My mission is to empower you to shamelessly explore your Lexuality, stripping away your inhibitions and fears, so that you can freely pursue the fulfilling sex life and relationships you desire — and deserve. As your Lexual guide, I’ll help you map out your own erotic journey by giving you the tools you need to better connect with your own mind and body, communicate your desires and needs with your partners, and thrive in your customized, authentic lifestyle. I’m known for my passionate style and inclusive approach, drawing from my own real-life experiences to educate, entertain, and inspire you, all while helping you discover the realm of infinite erotic possibilities that await you once you open your mind to them. Whether you’re indulging in my erotic short stories, getting sex and relationship coaching from me, joining my webinars and events, reading my articles and blogs, perusing the sex toys in my shop, or listening to my podcasts, I strive to stimulate you to think about your sexuality in a new light — freely and fearlessly. Dare to delve deeper and explore YOUR Lexuality.


  1. 7 Lexiest Valentine’s Day Gifts – Lexi Sylver

    February 15, 2022 at 1:33 pm Reply

    […] these luxurious (and body-safe) massage candles for some hot temperature play by taking turns dripping wax on each […]

Leave a comment